Touchstone Climbing athlete Ethan Pringle isn’t just a one-trick pony. When he’s not crushing jumbo-something, he’s giving sage advice on a wide array of subjects. Got relationship woes? Want to learn if that thing you did at the crag is a total faux pas? Juuuuuust Ask Ethan! [Ask Ethan jingle still in development]
Dear Ethan, I’m going to my Aunt’s house for Thanksgiving this year and although I can cook a mean can of chili in my JetBoil when I’m out climbing, I’m not the best chef. I want to ‘wow’ my family this year with something that everyone will enjoy, but something that somebody like me can make without it bursting into flames in the process.
Please Help,
Requesting Yummy Anti-Dirtbag Nourishment
Thanks for writing in R.Y.A.N!
I’m sorry you won’t be in Bishop this T’s Giving with the rest of the diehards, eating sand-blasted frozen turkey in the pit in the midst of this minor ice age that’s about to hit the western united states! Unless… does your aunt live in Bishop? If so, does she have a spare room?
R.y.a.n, if you were worried about what to make at your family’s thanksgiving like you were worried about getting elvis leg at the top of southwest arête, now you can cool your jet boil. I got you covered like that overly excited bro who spotted you on High Plains last easter who shouted, “F—yeah dude, you got this!” at the top of his lungs as you pulled onto the start holds. And don’t stress about your dish turning into, as my dad used to call my mom’s holiday cooking, “smoke alarm cuisine” because like revenge, my dish is best and only served cold. Unlike revenge, it has an enjoyable taste and mouth feel. It is also protein and nutrient rich. Don’t worry if your pee is neon green after you eat it.
I’ve debated to myself about whether or not to release this several-year-old, non-family secret recipe for my soon to be world famous kale salad. Though I do enjoy surprising people’s taste buds at dinner parties and BBQs with this amazingly delicious salad, I’m willing to share it with the world because, what the world needs now, is kale, kale salad. And love of course, but that always follows the kale, especially if you use enough olive oil.
Go to Manor Market, Whole Foods, or the hippy grocer of your choice, and/or dig around in the back of your car and/or aunties pantry and procure the following:
-One bunch of fresh, crispy, crunchy kale (I prefer Green but Dino or Red works fine)
-One lemon
-One bottle of extra virgin olive oil
-One cup of refined nutritional yeast flakes
-One bottle of organic apple cider vinegar
-Salt and Pepper
-Optional goodies that work well in this dish are cherry tomatoes, pickled beets,
Avocado, sunflower seeds, almonds, Cypress Groove Midnight Moon Goat Gouda… and anything else you have a hankering for.
Ok, once you’ve said all your hellos to your family, had a swig of burbon with your cousin Jeff, explained to your uncle frank that you still haven’t climbed the Dawn Wall and you’re safely in the warmth of your Aunties kitchen, find a salad spinner, a large mixing bowl and some salad tongs, and diligently follow these steps:
-Finely shred and de-stem the kale into the salad spinner. Wash and dry the shredded kale. Dump the kale into the mixing bowl.
-Pour a generous helping, about half a cup, of olive oil over the kale and massage the oil over each kale leaf with your hands until the hue of the kale is a little darker and every leaf is relaxed and sufficiently lubed. I know covering your hands with olive oil goes against every skin related neuroses we climbers have but this is the most important step and trust me, it’ll be ok. Oil washes off with dish soap.
-Add just a few drops of lemon juice to the kale. Not too much!
-Sprinkle or grind about a tablespoon of salt and a tablespoon of pepper over the kale
-Add about three tablespoons of Apple Cider Vinegar to the kale and mix it all together with tongs or large spoons.
-Add about ¾ of a cup to a full cup of nutritional yeast to the kale and mix it again so all the leaves are coated in the mustard yellow yeast. Mmmmmmmm.
This is the base of the salad. I usually taste it to see if it needs any more of one ingredient. I like my kale salad pretty nutty, tangy and salty. Usually I’ll add a little more salt or ACV.
Now add whatever other ingredients you may want to test out or don’t and just eat it as is! The above portions good for a side dish for about 4-6 people, depending on what you add to it. Just increase the proportions for more people. I can almost guarantee it will get finished.
Feel free to tell your family that yes, you just came up with this recipe all by yourself, by experimentation and yes, you know it’s incredible. While you’re at it, just tell ‘em you climbed the Dawn Wall too.
Happy thanksgiving fellow rock scalers! Stay warm and stay safe out there! Enjoy!
If you’d like to Ask Ethan, send your name and question to [email protected]
